February 2004

Sex and Love Making

I have observed that there seems to be a lot of misconception about the nature of having sex and Love Making. There also seems to be a lot of infatuation and preoccupation with sex in society today - namely "Western" society, being the one I live within. I feel that we will not find a solution to many of the challenges facing humanity today until Man and Woman learn to Love each other in an authentic and Real way. For this reason I will say what I can in order to shed some light on the nature of Sex and Love Making based on my experience.

The topic of Sex and the act of having sex is a subject of great interest for people in the "Western" world these days. Many seem to be very preoccupied with sex. Seeking it; doing it; learning about it; improving it; creating more, long and better orgasms through it; trying different partners; trying multiple partners individually or simultaneously; getting into 1001 Karma Sutra positions whilst doing it. Sex, relative to its public status 50 years ago, is a pretty hot topic.

The "Forces" at play

Over the years I know I have observed within myself many strong forces at play that would result in this ego-mind constantly evaluating various women in terms of the level of how sexually attractive I found them and also wanting them to find me sexually attractive. This activity was a pointless yet very appealing (to the ego-mind) dance of the mind. As a teenager I would at times fantasise about sex in various forms, situations, and with various people. Again there was really no point to this, but of course it arose within me as a result of certain energies waking up and moving within the psyche that had no other form of expression or conclusion—not that a fantasy is very conclusive or fulfilling to this sexual drive that quite obviously wanted to be procreative.

In my experience that was as far as these forces of the human psyche got to play out—I was always watching them with awareness. Now such "forces" occasionally come and go but they have no power. It is much like the many other mind/psyche stuff that arises and passes away from the soup of Human consciousness to which I am linked. A consciousness around sex and Love Making arose relatively early in my life (mid-teens) and around that time I found myself compelled to start exploring and practicing various Yoga's that worked directly with my sexual energy—connecting with it, refining it, harnessing it, moving it, circulating it, transforming it, and even storing it in various places within my body so that it could be put to good use. I did this on my own, as I never did find other teenagers with an understanding of what I was up to. Actually I would have been much to shy and self-conscious to approach such a topic with a woman anyway. I had a great deal of creative-sexual energy arising within my body as a teenager (I guess all teenage men do?) so I am grateful that this form of Yoga practice and the associated awareness came to me at the time it did.

I imagine, however, that for those who do not know who they are and who don't have a clear relationship to their sexuality the sexual energies—energies that are innately within the Human body and Human global psyche—would be faced with a somewhat formidable force to deal with - one that I am sure pulls most peoples mind and attention here, there and everywhere. I guess there are also those who have over time pretty much "turned off" the experience of this creative force and perhaps directed it into other pursuits of the ego-mind such as sport, work, partying, drug taking etc.

Sex - A Spiritual Path or Practice?

These days "Sex" is often being included as some part of the path to Enlightenment. Of course, like everything within the Human experience, it is a part of that path. For some people I can see this approach is useful because true enquiry into the nature of sex will eventually take a person into the realm of Love Making. Although for many I suspect there is not a true enquiry taking place. Rather the unconscious ego-mind uses "spirituality" to justify an ongoing infatuation with sex and sexual activity. Misuse and misunderstanding of the word "Tantra", for instance, is pretty common place and almost a household words these days. Hence Sex is really only useful on the Journey into Enlightenment if a radical transformation takes place in ones approach to Sex—namely the transformation from Sex into Love Making.

As an aside - When I look at the word Sex I also see the word " exS ". This word, if pronounced, would sound like "excess". Sex is, in my experience, the product of excess.

Excess what?
Excess craving. Excess unexpressed creativity. Excess avoidance of pain, boredom, restlessness, discontentment. Excess identification with the busi-ness of the ego-mind. Excess movement toward activity rather than stillness.

Love Making

Love Making is something quite different from having Sex and throughout this article I make a point of differentiating the two terms in order to clarify what is what in this regard. Sex, in and of itself, will seldom lead into Love Making - except perhaps in the rare individual. Generally in order to unveil Love Making one has to put Sex aside for a while. To drop all focus on it. To leave it alone so that the body-mind can make use of the energy that was being constantly lost and wasted through Sex. Once that energy is drawn upon by other aspects of ones body-mind then something new starts to arise within the individual. This is not about suppressing sex. Just to put aside one's focus on it... ones preoccupation with it. In some ways it is perhaps not even about putting aside Sex per say, but rather is about putting aside what Sex has been about all this time - namely a release of some kind. A brief moment of orgasm and ejaculation (both men and women ejaculate in one form of another - even if just energetically). It is this release and end-point that sex is driving people toward.

Love Making is not really possible until that selfish craving for that release is dropped entirely. Suppressing it is pointless. That may only serve to drive this dynamic into other areas of ones body and psyche resulting in various degrees of "stress" in one form or another. It is not my intention to give a description here of how to work with ones sexual energy so I shall say no more in this regard.

So I have said enough about sex. About eight times more than I wrote the first time I put this article together (before my computer crashed). Perhaps I hadn't said enough before?

It's all about Making Love

Love Making is exactly as it sounds. It is about Making Love.

Although perhaps not precisely that. Rather I would be inclined to say it is about releasing the ego-mind to the point where Love can arise more fully into ones experience. This in effect makes Love manifest into the Human experience and into the body, mind and heart. So perhaps we could say "two people were Making Love manifest" - but that's a bit of a mouthful. Love, as such, is not created... for it is not a thing. It is a state of being. Love Making is about coming together with an-other and experiencing that state of Being. Such a beautiful thing.

So Love Making is about realising a greater experience of Love through the act of coming into Unity with an-other. That unity comes about through deep, soft, loving, surrender. That "surrender" arises only within a place of stillness. Love Making, therefore, is a very still phenomenon. Deeply still and peaceful. Well, that's my experience of it. Both the Man and Woman have to keep bringing their attention back to the stillness that is within them. Perhaps that is why sex is so much the focus these days, because both Man and Woman have become so busy and active all the time.

Movement and Stillness - the Microcosmic Balance of Yin and Yang

Now I am not implying that there is no physical movement. On the contrary there may be a great deal of movement at times—even wild animalistic movement where both the Man and Woman allow their body to unleash the primal forces that reside in our cellular memory. Essentially the bodies are left to do what they naturally wish to do in order to deepen and further their journey into Love. The body is very wise and intelligent in this regard. It doesn't really need "You" per say in order to Make Love. When Man and Woman come together with a pure intent to Make Love then really the more "You" (ego-mind) get out of the way the better the bodies will get on with what it is they are here to do—and that will involve periods of movement and periods of physical stillness.

So there is a profound stillness, yet not to the exclusion of movement. The two can co-exist, even though this might seem like a contradiction. The stillness I refer to is a state of Being. It is a state of consciousness in which one is at peace and simply Aware. It is quite independent of the body and any movement that might be going on. I will say, however, that in my experience the bodies will naturally gravitate toward physical stillness far more than what most people may be used to in the act of "Sex". At that point much of the movement becomes very subtle and the movement that remains will be purely at a subtle energy level—which relative to physical movement is very still and peaceful.

I would liken this state of stillness to that of mediation. The body is at rest physically, although perhaps quite active energetically. I Am simply aware and at Peace.

I would liken the movement to that of performing Hatha Yoga asana or Tai Chi. The body is moving yet it is doing so within my awareness—which remains still throughout (well, that's the idea anyway).

Going into and beyond the body

The body is in fact within That which I Am. The mind is also within That which I Am. Meditation, and Love Making, both take place when my point of conscious assembly is no longer bound within the body—the common human experience that gives rise to the notion that "I am in a body" rather than "the body is within me"—but rather is within a somewhat limitless space the surrounds the body "non-locally". I don't favour using terms like this as it makes it sound so technical and heady when really it is very simple and completely not about the head and mind. It is all experienced at a level of Feeling. Whilst Love Making I find that there is a great deal of Awareness within the body but from a perspective that is not dissociated with an Awareness that surrounds the the body and ultimately expands way beyond the beyond. It is actually this field of Awareness surrounding and beyond the body that permeates through the physical form and hence creates a very distinct presence within that form.

Touching on the Divine - Cessation of Self (as we know it)

Something else that will arise is that once a certain amount of energy / love accumulates and circulates within the body it is possible for both the Man and Women to transcend the body within their Awareness and reconnect with the Divine. Give that whatever name suits you. I am simply saying that there exists that which is beyond the body, mind and soul. It is the source of these things and simultaneously is these "things". Call it God if you wish. Whatever works for you. Even better, set and put into action the intention to directly experience It.

The Contradiction of Sex and Love making

Making Love and having Sex go in two opposite directions. Sex is centrifugal - moving from the centre outward. Making Love is centripetal - moving from the periphery inward. Making Love takes you into your centre. Having Sex takes takes you away from your centre. Most people do whatever they can to avoid feeling and experiencing their Centre—life takes on a certain degree of intensity when one is centred. The ego-mind doesn't much like that intensity. If you were to completely give your ALL in the act of having Sex you may find that you get a glimpse of the still centre within you. That is because much of the dross that stands between you and your centre is flung off much like clothes in a washing machine when it is on a spin cycle. The centrifugal force expands your field out and throws off the "stuff" floating around your energy field. This may give rise to a sense of relief, stillness, relaxation and even peace. The more you give of yourself to the act of sex the more you will (temporarily) lose yourself and experience a still calm space afterward. Most of the time, however, all this stuff that is thrown off will relatively quickly makes it way back into your system as your expanded energy field collapses back to its "normal" condensed state.

The Fire Within - Alchemy

Making Love, however, has a very different effect. It ignites a "fire" within you that will actually burn up the dross within your energy field. In the act of surrendering that is necessary in Love Making you will in fact pass through and release your attachment to any energies that are "stuck" and condensed within your energy field. The Love the arises will then consume this "stuff" and transmute it. This is the alchemy of transforming lead into gold.

In my experience Love Making is about a deep release INWARD. A deep surrender into total Love for Woman. Not specifically the women I am making Love with, although that is a part of it. Rather it is about Woman as a universal principle. The universal archetype of Woman as an expression of the Feminine. Although now that I have gone and put that into words I feel—in reading over that last sentence—that it's best left fairly loosely defined. Just to say that in my life I am experiencing creation, in human form, through that polarity known as Man and during Love Making I am embracing—and dissolving into—that polarity known as Woman. The key point is a shift away from identified with the ego-mind complex.

In order to surrender to Woman I have to come back into stillness. The nature of Woman is very deep and still. She is very very powerful, yet gentle and nurturing at the same time. It takes stillness in Man to really deeply experience this in Woman.

Letting go - it's all we have to do - always, anytime. End of story.

So Making Love is really about letting go. It is an endless release INWARD as opposed to Sex which is a drive toward an end point of releasing OUTWARD. Enlightenment is also about letting go and a deep endless release inward. It is here that we see where the spiritual path of unveiling ones Enlightenment has a close parallel with Conscious Love Making. Both involve releasing inward. Both offer some form of "relief". Sex offers a relief from the creative-spiritual pressure that is forever building up within Man and Woman in the form of sexual energy. Love Making offers a relief from the struggle of being identified and involved with the Illusion of Human existence (as far as how humanity presently qualifies that existence).

When Man and Woman drop their obsession with Sex, and the outward release of creative potential energy that Sex provides them with, then we will start to see a great change taking place in the world. I feel it is easier for Woman to drop this obsession. Her obsession, for the most part, is in fact the product of Man's projection onto woman. Man has tried to make Woman conform to where he is at within his unconsciousness. Woman has within her very nature a disposition that tends her toward stillness and surrender. That might not look like the case in the world today, but that is only because Woman has taken on the unconsciousness of Man - it could be said that Woman has surrendered to Man's ways. Of course Woman has only done that through her own unconsciousness. She is not a victim to Man's ways. She can make a different choice in this regard as soon as she becomes aware of what is going on.

Projection of the dysfunctional male sexual ego

Man tends to project a lot of his sexual unease. He projects his inadequacy around not being able to Make Love and to Love a woman authentically. The unconscious Woman responds to this projection from Man by projecting herself sexually and giving off the impression that she wants to be "fucked" or the appearance of being "fuckable" when really she just wants to be truly and deeply Loved. Those are strong words to use, I know, but really that is the word comes to mind when I try to accurately express the degeneration of this aspect of Man and Woman's sexual relationship. When Man learns to Love Woman in the "right" way then I feel she will very quickly drop this role of projecting herself sexually as something desirable for mans unconscious urge to "fuck" and have Sex with. Likewise, when a Woman really deeply Loves herself—finds Love within Her Self—then this will also result in her dropping this role of taking on Man's sexual projection.

There is a lot Man can learn from Woman. He just has to drop his ego-mind a little and allow Woman's natural Love into his Being. This will serve to remind Man of the Love that is also his true nature... and now we are back onto the topic of Love Making.

Women beware

I feel it is important for Women to understand and recognise that every time they allow a Man to enter them—a man that does not know how to love women—and to orgasm and ejaculate into her Body Temple she takes on toxic energy. For a long time now Woman has been taking on mans perversions, toxicity, anger, sexual tension, self-hatred, self-inadequacy, judgment and many other forces through having sex with man.

Sperm and the energy that surrounds sperm and is carried in sperm is a powerful bio-electromagnetic force. That bio-electromagnetic force is qualified by all the various energies within Man. Man with an aggressive dominating sexual energy leaves behind sperm—within Woman—that can continue to impact on her energy field for a long time. This means it may impact on her physical health, her emotional health, and her overall state of well being. This is not something to be taken lightly. Women beware (be-aware). Choose wisely who you allow into your body-temple. Any woman who loves and honours herself would never take into her body something that will cause her ongoing harm. Such a woman would not take a drug that might give her a high yet harm her at the same time.

Man - Your role

May has the capacity to take on, absorb and transmute the sexual and creative tension that often builds up in the vagina and lower energy centres of a woman that has not been truly loved in her past and worldly sexual experiences. It is actually in man's interest to draw away this tense energy and to transmute it—which all happens quite naturally and simply when Man loves Woman rightly—because it is this sexual tension in the vagina that can play a big part in causing a man to ejaculate prematurely—long before Man and Woman have actually made love. At this point the potential for love making is generally over until next time. So man's inability to truly love Women can play out in an inability to make love with Woman simply because he will organism, ejaculate, and generally go flaccid before love making has even unfolded.

So here we have a double edged sword. Man, in his incapacity to Love rightly, will find that his sexual-creative energy gravitates into his penis. It will accumulate there and eventually (often very quickly) project out from there without circulating through and around his own body and Being—indicative of not loving oneself—and what's more the emotional tension that his partner quite likely has within her vagina and sexual centre will pull on his sexual energy because he doesn't yet know how to love her rightly. This pulling that can and often does go on is often a habit pattern that Woman has learnt through Man's drive toward a fast genital orgasm in the act of having sex. Woman has (generally) taken that on through her own lack of Self love.

It is important for Woman to be aware of this pull—it can be a very subconscious habit pattern—and of the sexual tension that may be present in her vagina. It is important for Man to be aware of it also, and to surrender into himself—first and foremost—so that his body can gently draw this tension away from his partner's body and dissolve it. This, by the way, will all happen quite naturally when a Man and Woman come together with their bodies in Love. It is not something man has to engage his mind and imagination in order to carry out. Man's body, penis, and energy system will carry out this function without any input from his mind and imagination—so long as the Man is willing to Love.

Coming Back to Love

It is apparent—through what I have just shared in the above few paragraphs—that Man and Woman's sexual interaction becomes dysfunctional and devoid of Love Making simply and primarily because Man and Woman do not love themselves fully, deeply, and truly on all levels. Hence the journey to consciously making Love is by its very nature a journey back to Love in all regards—and here we see the importance of Man and Woman once again remembering how to truly Make Love.

This is all I have to say on the topic of Sex and Love Making for now. There is much more that could be said in this age where Man and Women have forgotten what it means to make love, yet—from me at this time—this will do for now.

May the above words serve to remind That which I Am in You of the True nature of Making Love.

With Love and Blessings,

Jonathan