Further Exploring my Boundaries

A few weeks ago I was going through some inner healing with regard to 'personal boundaries' and certain wounds within the ego-mind—with my as a Human Being. I wrote some of these things down. Most of it I did not because I would have removed me from what was going on. I have shared this in two parts with the intention that this may be of some use to people. It may not and nothing is lost if that is so. Part One is HERE and Part Two is below.

April 4, 2004

Ego, I know you have boundaries.
I know you have created ways to protect your false position in this world. I know you have created these things because that is the nature of the ego-mind. You project and you define through beliefs and images in your mental- emotional world. I can see now that you have in so many ways protected you position in my world through being obscure, aloof and self-contained. I can see now how this has made my nature in this world one of being self-contained, aloof and obscure.

My true nature is Love.
That I know.
My true nature is communion.
That I know.
My true nature is authentic, open and caring.
That I know.

Yet you, by my choice and will—although not by God's Will—have reduced all this and kept it tightly bound up with my experience of this world. I have felt your fear of deeply connecting and being deeply open with people. You knew—and I can see this now—that with the Awareness that I AM and have remembered in this so called 'life' there was no way you would be able to maintain your perceived control in those deep places within my humanity if I was allowed easy access to them and a clear experience of them.

I know that this has all been perfect and that it has played a key role in the scheme of things—for God makes no mistakes and I Am an extension of God therefore I also make no mistakes. I only imagine that I do, for God has given me the free will to imagine what I like within this dream that you and I—so far as I am identified with you in this dream—call the 'world'.

I'll tell you what though—I know now that I have had enough of this game. Yes, I know now that I am finished with it. I always was and Now I Am remembering that Truth. I was never happy with this game. Sure I fell asleep and in that sleep I allowed this game of yours (and mine so long as I am identified with you) to play out. It seems like it has been such a very long time yet I also know now that it never was. Time is also a part of your game. I am finished with that too. Yes, you hear me. I am finished what that and all these other games. Piece by piece the Awareness That I Am will be undoing these illusions. The web that has no weaver is about to be unwoven. At that point I shall allow the fabric of God's Vision to be seen for what It Is. I can see that you are making it 'take time' yet I know that as much as you might think you have mastered time in my world, the Light of Truth has another use for time entirely. One that is all about your undoing and the undoing of you in all Beings.

So, beloved ego-mind, what are your boundaries? Talk to me—

• Certain feelings are obscured and hidden
• Pain is keep unexposed to the world and hence to my self.
• Fear remains hidden
• Passion—in certain situations—is not displayed but is internalised
• Abundance is at times obscured
• Heart felt connections are obscured
• Pain is projected onto the Other out there
• Love is held back from the world through your false belief that the world attacks love and hence will attack me if I express that Love that I Am

My human vulnerability is off limits to the world. Which keeps me from going through it and by that stepping into my Invulnerability—which is my true nature. I have felt so vulnerable to some aspects of this world. Especially pain, certain feelings, emotion, and human darkness. Yet this was all my own creation—both these apparent 'things' and my response to them. All this has keep me preoccupied with something that has no power and in fact in God's Vision does not exist.

By appearing to 'be on top of things' and 'in control' I have avoided feeling totally out of control and hence obscured this illusion from my Awareness.

Another of your boundaries, dear ego-mind, has been the boundaries you place around this heart of ours. This has all too often obscured the love that I am from my experience of this world. This has all too often obscured the emotional content of my humanity from my awareness... and hence I have not been present enough in the Now with regards to these emotions—present enough to see the lessons of forgiveness awaiting my attention.

Another of the boundaries I can see is the one of 'never asking for help' for this would have brought my awareness to your illusion of being vulnerable which would have led to me unveiling my invulnerability.

Another boundary you have set was that of not allowing people into my heart space unless I felt like there was no threat. Yet you were creating the threat. It was your projection to ensure I would not allow the whole world in because you felt that would be too much. Because in allowing the whole world in I would also be allowing All That I Am into my awareness which would have meant your demise. I can see that there have been many occasions where I have allowed people deeply into my heart yet in one way of another we've created situations where the love goes back into separation. In recent years this has not happened so much and that's is why I more consistently feel so much love. Yet I know that it is nothing compared to the Love that I Am as God.

There are boundaries around people respecting me and my space. Yet this odd to be saying because you have so often put this aside. This is one of those boundaries you've had yet hidden so that I would keep walking into situations where I would allow my 'space' to be disrespected and I would then feel pain and suffering as a result. This pain would obscure the Love That I Am. With that Love obscured I would remain unaware of the Truth in that moment, stay out of the Present Now and start projecting onto those around me—even if only within my internal world. That would perpetuate separation—or the illusion of it—and keep me apart from God.

Of course this ties in with a disrespect you have harboured toward yourself. This, I can see now, stems from the guilt that you always feel. The guilt of maintaining the lie. The grand lie that this dream is real; that I am separate from God and All That Is; that I am vulnerable and constantly under attack and threat; and so many other lies that are variations on these themes. Also the lie you try to maintain in order to ensure that the world perceive me as somehow 'perfect' and faultless. You have set up various boundaries to this end. Yet it has simply been to obscure your vulnerability from the world—which is simply myself and hence to obscure this from myself. Again, until I walk through the veil of illusion called 'being vulnerable' I will never experience my invulnerability in this world and beyond this world.

Beloved ego-mind, I forgive you. I completely and totally forgive you. I forgive you because I Know that none of this ever happened. I know that all this, even these notes that I am writing, are part of a dream that simply has not taken place. I forgive you because I am forgiveness. I am the re-cognition that I Am whole. That I Am Holy. That I am complete in God. I forgive you because that is simply how it is. You have done no wrong. You don't even exist. Simply a projection of that which I am that has taken on an apparent life of it's own within this dream. I am waking up from that dream Now. I hear you say that 'it might take some more time'—yes, well, whatever you like to think.

I know Now that the timing is in God's hands. My healing is the healing of the world. My healing is the healing of every brother and sister apparently out there. As I heal so shall I heal those around me. God has it under His command for I have handed my journey over to God and place my experience of this 'world' into God's hands. There is no stopping that. That part of me that was still awake and always has been awake wrote into this story a way out. They way out is the Holy Spirit—the consciousness of Christ. That part of me, which is all of That I Am, programmed certain symbology into the images you have projected into my vision. I have seen those symbols and have acted on them. They have led me to take actions that have been about the undoing of the dream. Enough threads have been pulled out of this web now that it is starting to fall apart. It has fallen apart enough that I have to allow God into the picture—for God was always there as the Light 'used' to make the images in my mind. Once I tasted that I handed you and all this madness over to God. I am ready to do what needs to be done.

Farewell ego-mind. I love you, for I love myself. I forgive you.
I forgive all That I Am.
Thank you.

Post Script
Reading over this what is now a few weeks later, it all seems rather incomplete because the perceived processed continued and took me into all sorts of deep inner spaces that I was not in a position to be writing down nor did I feel moved to write them down afterward.

So if you please then take the above as it is and make of it what you can or leave it with no further thought.